By Coral
Disclaimer: Paramount, give us a break… please?
Dedication: To Liz, for letting me; Lazarus, for asking me; and Becky, for kicking me.
This was written as a sequel to Elizabeth Barr's "Not Loving Her", and is very loosely based on the song "That's When I'll Stop Loving You." It was going to be a happy ending - it was supposed to be a happy ending, but my mind had other ideas…
Five years ago, I thought I'd moved on. I thought I'd stopped loving her. But today, it hit me harder than it ever has before.
I haven't stopped loving her. I never did.
The two years that she was in love with Michael, the tears after their
break-up, when I wished I could kill Paris for putting us through this. The year
we got back home and she met up with Mark again. Her meeting and subsequent
engagement to Colin. I bore them all in stoic silence, because I'd convinced
myself that I didn't love her anymore. I thought I didn't.
The friendship that has always been between us is still there, a tentative
thread binding us across light-years of space. Occasionally, when we meet, there
is still a spark between us. But I know that she doesn't admit to it. Maybe, she
doesn't want to admit to it. She's happy now, much as it hurts me to acknowledge
that.
After ten years, though, I still haven't moved on.
I couldn't. However hard I tried, there was still something binding me to her. My people believe that some couples are destined to be together. I was naïve: I was sure we were going to stay together forever.
But something went wrong.
The circumstances weren't right, something went unsaid, something went undone, someone else was there instead… I've spent half a decade trying to work out why I'm here today, watching and not taking part, wondering if there is one thing I could have done different that would have changed our lives. She walked in, and my heart leapt once more, the way it used to when she touched me. I longed to reach out my hand and caress her skin, stroke her hair, then kiss her lips… I realised the truth. I should be there, standing by her side, not sitting here, watching. I should be the one slipping the ring onto her finger, brushing her lips in a gentle kiss. I should be the one beaming broadly, knowing that I'm about to spend the rest of my life with the woman I love.
Instead, I'm beside B'Elanna, watching. On the outside, looking in.
And it hits me harder than I thought, because I never stopped loving her, and I never will.
END
When winter comes in summer
When there's no more forever
When lies become the truth
Oh you know then, baby
That's when I'll stop loving you