By Coral
Disclaimer: Paramount and all that...
Dedication: Bec, for listening to me moan about lack of title, and
giving me the idea for the final product. :)
She came to see me today, as she has every day for the past two weeks. Her
visits are one of the few things I look forward to now - there is little else in
my life. I am still on the active duty roster, but I know the truth. I shall
never serve on a starship again, in any capacity. They have food dispensers -
they don't need human vegetables too...
"Chris..." she sighed once, before turning away to look out of the
window at the starbase. "I'm leaving on the USS Intrepid tomorrow. Shipful
of Vulcans... could be fascinating," she added. The attempt at humour
seemed odd on her, but I appreciated it for what it was - her way of reaching
out to me.
Vulcans. I suppose someone thought that she would fit in there, her lack of
emotions an asset. No, not a lack of emotions - an apparent lack of emotions. I,
better than anyone else, should know that. I was the only one she ever let
close, the only she ever cared for, the only one she ever... loved.
"I - I'll miss you Chris."
I beeped once. How - insufficient it seemed, when what I really wanted was to
take in her my arms and promise never to leave her again. I wanted the ability
to turn back time, and make sure things turned out differently between us. To
make sure that the last memory of me wasn't my face as I told her to leave me,
and never come back.
"I wish things had turned out differently. Then, maybe this would never
have happened."
I beeped twice. It had been my fault, all mine. I had lost my temper, I had
ruined our chances. I'd ordered her to leave me.
I was a fool.
"Chris, I was to blame too. It wasn't just you." She briefly touched
my face, the least damaged side, and I wished that I could touch her back.
I beeped twice again. I wanted to break out of the chair, but I couldn't do it.
My body no longer takes it commands from me... I had a starship and, for a brief
time, a lover, but now I don't even have myself.
She touched me again, and I felt sorry for her. She was condemned to love a mute
cripple, one who could do nothing for her in return. I wanted to tell her to
move on, to find someone else, but I couldn't.
"I'll never forget you, Chris, but I won't be back for four years at the
soonest. I'll send you transmissions... and..." She broke off, leaning in
closer to whisper in my ear. "I forgive you, and I love you."
She stood quickly then and left, without a single backwards glance. And, as I
watched her go, I discovered one last thing my otherwise useless body could do.
A tear slid down my cheek.
END