By Coral
Bad Day.
Some say the hardest thing to do
Is say three little words - I love you.
But hearing I love you to my face
Puts me in a harder place.
The words convey an expectation
I know I cannot fill;
The knowledge of my failure
Hits me harder still.
I can never be the woman that you think you know so well;
You'll never know the real me -- you only see my shell.
It hurts to think I have to hide --
But I'm scared you'd hate the me inside.
When some days you're my only reason to live,
I know you deserve more back than I give;
Not the constant, hateful words I let
Wound and hurt you -- then forget;
Or remember, and always regret...
And your forgiveness, somehow, makes it worse;
A heavy burden round my neck -- an awful curse.
I know I shouldn't treat you so
And afterwards I feel so low
And yet, I know
I'll never change.
I know I'm just a waste of your time
But still, I can't let go.
I cling and beg for your attention,
Even though I know
I am not worthy of your friendship
Or even of your care.
I sometimes wish I could make you see
The hopeless person I tend to be;
I wish I could save you the endless hurt
That comes from knowing me
For even if it takes some time
I know one day I'll cross the line.
The guilt and self hate come rushing in,
The mental voices raise a din,
When you hug and hold me close
And say the three words that I dread most.